Out in front there is fresh air, ‘eyes forward’ as the saying goes. So what gets you out in front when it comes to mental health? With the emotional struggle of divorce, depression and anxiety behind me, a new purpose and a selfless partner, I thought it pertinent to share some of the key ingredients I needed in order to move on from the dark past of a marriage breakdown.
Most of this blog (if you read it from the start) is focused a lot on the negative, the down and out feelings, the loss, struggle and soul destroying anguish of depression and anxiety. I know from the comments and feedback I have had that it touched a few hearts and rang clear with many of you who were either starting, midway or out of the fog. 2016 marks the ‘eyes forward’ year…a year where we will grow, we will drag you out of the despair and sadness. We will empower you, and sit on your shoulder all the way through. This year is about you getting to know who you are all over again…
Lets start with the top five must have’s for separated parents…
1: You need one completely honest best friend.
This is top of the list because in my world it really is the most important part to the puzzle. This person need not be a life long friend however it certainly helps. The most important part is that they will be honest and not share your thoughts with others. Unraveling the emotional struggles will take time, best you get alongside a person who you love and trust.
2: You need a space, or a place where you can sit in silence.
This can be a park, a spare room, your bedroom, the car, whatever works for you to achieve silence. A place where you can be alone with your thoughts, and not be judged or criticized. A lot of emotion is going to pour out so make sure you have plenty of water and some tissues. There is no shame in knowing you are going to have a moment and preparing for it. Make this a place you can seek refuge in.
3: You need to communicate.
For me this started with this blog. Mainly because for me I was one of those males who wasn’t a great communicator. Writing helped me communicate, first with myself and then in time, with others. If writing is not your thing and talking is, then call up the honest best friend. I cannot tell you how much talking, or writing about your feelings will help you dilute them. For those of you that say they can’t write, I never could before either. I just started waffling on paper and then came back to it the next day.
4: You need to manage your finances.
Don’t start with ‘its not fair’, it simply won’t help you solve the immediate problem. You are not alone in being fleeced by your ex (male or female), and you won’t be the last. Money is a very black and white thing. You only have what you have! It takes 10-15 minutes to draft a simple budget. If you can’t trust yourself with your own money, dial up that best friend again and ask for help. Don’t dig yourself a financial hole that will take you ten years to get out of.
5: You need to take photo’s.
If you have kids, take lots of photo’s. Why you might ask? Well, quite simply those photos are a great motivation to keep you moving forward on those days when you feel like absolute crap. If you are without kids, Google away, you must have a favourite place you would like to visit one day. Pictures of family or friends are also a good option if that works for your situation. The point being is that you want a few pic’s that will push you just that little further when you really need it.
That’s it for tonight gals and guys…short and sharp!
Each fortnight we will track through the journey that 2016 brings. I know it will have challenges, but this is not about me, its about you! It’s about getting you strong enough to take on the world again. Ask any questions along the way, the only silly question is one that is never asked…
Peace to all of you…